How do others see us?

Photo by Haley Lawrence on Unsplash

In today’s world, many of us find ourselves worrying about how others perceive us. The constant pressure to fit in with peers, communities and environments can push us to change aspects of our identity. In fact, some may find that they alter themselves so much in an attempt to belong, that they lose sight of who they truly are.

Adapting to our environment.

This phenomenon is particularly common in personal and professional environments. Some people shift their personality or behaviour to manage work situations with more ease or efficiency, becoming someone else just to survive in a particular role. At home, it is not uncommon for individuals to prioritise others’ needs over their own, playing the caretaker or peacemaker to ensure harmony. While these adaptations may serve short-term goals, they can lead to a deeper sense of disconnection from our true selves over time.

The chameleon effect.

We all do it – change our behaviour, the way we present ourselves, or even our physical appearance to blend in. This can reach a point where the question arises: ‘Who am I really?’ Many of us encounter this realisation when a significant life transition occurs. It could be a young adult leaving school or a parent experiencing an empty nest after their children move out. During these shifts, individuals may feel lost, struggling to remember what they actually enjoy, or how they prefer to spend their time.

In these moments it’s common for people to revert to familiar past activities, not because they genuinely enjoy them, but because they were once shared with someone else.

A scary yet liberating moment.

Such realisations can be scary. It’s the moment you acknowledge that you have neglected your own needs, wants and even passions. You may find yourself asking ‘What do I enjoy doing? – especially when no one else’s preferences or needs are involved.

It’s not just a frightening moment – it’s a freeing one. This time of self-discovery offers an opportunity to explore new avenues of joy and curiosity, unencumbered by outside expectations. The important question then becomes: ‘What gives you joy?’

Rediscovering Joy

This was the question I posed to one of my clients recently. At first, they had no answer. The began reflecting on activities from their past by quickly realised they didn’t truly enjoy many of those things. This discovery marked the beginning of an exciting journey for them, a process of investigation and anticipation, looking forward to new possibilities.

Rather than feeling sad about the time lost, this is a moment to be curious. What will you uncover when you look within? Ask others what they enjoy, experiment with new hobbies or pastimes and allow yourself the freedom to grow into your own happiness.

Rediscover what makes you you, and start living for yourself once again.